Lyrics

I tell my kids a Doctor Seuss story, “Sneetches on Beaches”
Who made fun of their brothers, without-star-belly-Sneetches
Well, I have a story about leases on leases on leases
Sucking the blood of companies

I’ll just like leeches and Sylvester McMonkey McBean
As Michael Keeler says “Wait, we can put all these leases on leashes!”
With automation consolidating the bits and pieces
That’s the new stars on the bellies of Sneetches

So what does your company have on its belly?
Stars upon thars? Or did you let your leases get silly?
Let the leeches suck you dry and you’re gonna be dead meat
Lesson one: don’t try to stack them all on a spreadsheet!

That’s a lot of figures, warning bells are not gonna trigger
You gotta get that sub-ledger configured, ask Don Rigler
The riddler, the VP of Acquisition Finance 
At Salesforce, who wanted to contribute some words to my raps

I was listening, did he give me any lyrics to flow?
M&A. it’s is not quite Eminem, but it’s close
One letter different, hell, you could call it a half rhyme
Interconnected like his integration with BlackLine

I’m comin’ wild on the rap set, for real, I never half-step
But Don is keeping track of a hundred thousand assets
Who’s in charge of the family? Only Don Corleone knows
Accelerated tracking of lease accounting portfolios

I get it, Michael Keeler said it, you gotta roll up
Every lease into one place, the journey of a controller
So the company knows when to go faster, go slower
Like con-tro-ller

Okay, so I’m no Drake on the mic, I get it
But you like it… when I get… aggressive
I mean, aggressive with untracked leases, strap the leashes
It’s not a BDSM thing, no safe word can release us

From the liabilities that may be closer than they appear
Are you really tryin’ to drive lookin’ in the rear-view mirror?
Like Michael said, that’s not a good system design
There’s redundancy, like a phone ringing on Zoom for a second time

Phone rings in a meeting once, shame on somebody else
Phone rings in a meeting twice, shame on yourself
A new maxim! It’s not something I wanted to talk about
But I kind of had to, after Mike Lees called him out

With the dope new logo in the background of his screen
He was destined to work for this company, with a last name like “Lees”
That’s the rap game y’all, just a lot of slick talkin’
And technique, like the spreadsheet game of Jonathan Crawford

You wanna locate a figure? Yeah, he can find what you want
I had to take his word for it though, with that unreadable tiny font
But he did give me the quote of the year, put it writing
He said “Amortization schedules aren’t that exciting”

For real? Come on Jonathan, you’ve gotta be kidding
Don’t you know the accounting geeks that are probably listening?!
Know thy audience, dawg, you got them hyperactive
When you said “The liability tab is where the excitement happens!”

Like “That was good for me, I hope it was good for y’all!”
I never seen total liabilities so condensed in one spot
It was hot! Such a relief, when you have tension
Happy-making like a Colleen Tigges task engine

Automated entry, baby, I hope y’all are getting this 
It’s the John Legend ballad version of audit readiness
Asking “Did anything significant happen in this period?”
Six months into a pandemic? Are you serious?

Reimagine everything, so the software stays triggered
Like Diana with her pre-coronavirus sales figures
Millions of cruise passengers? Oh, is that so?
Just like I still do hundreds of live audience rap shows?

Instead of Zoom rapping in my basement, baby I made it
Me and you, Diana, don’t let anyone say “hiatus”
I never opened for Jay-Z, but I still rap for the come-up
So now I can brag that I opened for Diana McDonough

Straight off the head rhymer, Zoom conference headliner
I’d like to see you try to negotiate a lower rate, Fred Weimer
Actually, you probably can, depending on demand
For these unique rhymes, y’all are just leasing my time

And them I’m in and out, agility, that’s what I’ve been about
No forty-five pound lease for me, I’m no Guinness Stout
Although, I would sign a lease for 9,000 years
With a biotech company, if they guarantee I’d still be here

Immortality, baby, my hunger for glory made me seek it
Michael, add that to your growing list of “Favorite Leases”
We gotta live for the moment though, coronavirus may decease us
2020 needs a UX Focus Group, call Tracy Henriques!

I’m just sharing my heart and my views, following cues
I hope we can all connect at a live event soon
I haven’t shaken hands since February 22
So let’s make the next conference on a carnival cruise

In bathing suits, in 2021. or maybe 2022
Depending on what the electorate chooses to do
Either way, life goes on, along with growth opportunities
So this goes out to whole Lease Accounting Community

The new cool kids on the block, baby, the Starbelly Sneetches
Who never make fun of their brethren’s features
When they’re stuck in a quagmire, leases on leases
Suckin’ the blood of their companies just like leeches

Cause they can call Sylvester McMonkey McBean Michael Keeler
Is ready to put all those leases on leashes
With automation consolidating the bits and pieces
And put stars on the bellies of everyone on the beaches

And that’s my thesis!