Lyrics

Welcome to Acceleration for every startup
Welcome to the Virtual Tech Conference at Harvard
Are y’all ready to get strapped in to a rocket?
March 6, 2021, let’s get it started

With Harshini Jayaram and Tanishq Bhalla
Bet your bottom dollar, they’ve had a couple of hardships
Backstage with the tech, but we resolve conflicts
At the Harvard Tech Conference, that’s the process

Problem solve, pivot and resolve conflicts
Like a pilot tryin’ to fly in a burning cockpit
Trying to get the plane straight and extend airtime
No wonder Mr. Wonderful shorts the airlines

You heard Kevin O’Leary, he said it so clearly
Like “I short airlines, they’re done, that’s the theory
And plus, high profile shorts never go weirdly
So I hope Robin Hood and all the Redditors hear me”

When I saw Kevin was here, I was like “Oh, sick!”
He’s near the top of my “Hope I Eventually Get to Roast” List
Standing there for ten minutes with palm trees in the picture
Waiting for the connection like “Somebody, quick, pitch him!”

So Bryan Lee and James Parker came in and did it
With 3-D shipment scanning – Candelytics
Tony Montana’s imitators are running drug shipments
And the Coast Guard is trying to catch it with pens and pencils

Candelytics has got this – scanning every compartment
With that Incubator Award from the Defense Department
Kevin was like: “Yeah, but how you gonna protect yourself
From competitors when your tech is straight off the shelf?”

But I wish he said “How are you industry leveraging
When Joe Biden is on the verge of legalizing everything?!”
That would’ve been funnier, maybe not better strategy
But that’s why he’s on Shark Tank instead of me

And hey, where is Kevin’s co-host anyway?
All I hear is an infinite loop that continues to play
All day like: “Jeffrey Rayport to the stage…
Rayport to the stage… Rayport to the stage…”

And every time it repeats it gets louder and more distorted
As a rap artist I want to sample that and record it!
Alright, don’t worry Jeff, we can fix it up
In the meantime, it’s tech, we’ll just mix it up

Or kick back, relax and just listen up
To the sound of the Moskito Island Breakfast Club
Kevin is chillin’ on Richard Branson’s private island
That’s the spot that all the biggest Titans hide in

That’s cool, we get to be there too, that’s Zoom
Hey, someone just asked directions to the bathroom
Eavesdroppin’ on the conversations around Kevin
That’s when Anna Trepekli & Illana Springer step in

Pitchin’ Riinx, which Kevin thinks is so hot
The pitch is simple: “Kevin, you need Brotox!”
Look at those wrinkles yo, fold under fold
Botox that brow right now, Mr. Wonderful!

Rinxx can get you into the clinic door fast
We’re basically the Botox version of DoorDash
Kevin was intrigued, like “If you need more cash
Make sure there’s privacy for dads in your format”

Plus, Kevin has a message for Harvard Grads
“You think you’re so hot, but you’re trash
You know nothing – so act like doormats
Until you’ve been on the investor warpath”

What do you think about that, Paul Daversa?
Paul thinks you students are not worthless
And, he fully monetizes your service
Tech headhunting as talent disperses

Paul was like “This might seem kinda trite
But we’ll save that for Mr. Wonderful, right?”
Oh shade! Is what Kevin is gonna need
From the sun, right now, on that island Beach

Right now, as up steps Amelia Kao
Like, “This is my life story and my whole style
I have experience, brains, and various talents”
“Let’s… just rewrite all that” says Geri Allyn

“More problem-solving passion, come on, work with me
What’s an example of you overcoming diversity?”
Amelia got that resume makeover fast
And seventeen job offers just landed in the chat

Like that! I learned from Paul to be a go-getter
And if you can sheer a sheep, you can be the CFO of Twitter
Which is great, you get proud grandparents
And you destroy the earth, ask Tristan Harris

The attention economy is tech-dominated
Every one of them just scraping and selling all your data
Promoting disconnection and disinformation
And polarization, tech is Darth Vader

The business model is straight up extraction 
Public interest tech never gets traction
And every engineer is refusing to consider it
Like “If not me, somebody would sell them cigarettes!

“Culture first, Tristan” is their cynical answer
Tristan’s like “Dawg, you’re giving them cancer”
It’s an epidemic of mental illness
No more ad revenue, VCs, get committed

‘Come on y’all, tech is a massive tragedy!
Let’s just pivot to Peggy and Magic Leap
Oh yeah, baby, that’s that inspiration
Visual Augmentation, Digital LiveNation

Get a 3-D brain projected big, and we win
At the surgery separating Siamese Twins
We can celebrate it without anxious minds
‘Cause they moved from consumer to enterprise

Peggy Johnson beat the leaky pipeline
By putting her hand up and saying “that job’s mine!”
C-E-O! And don’t call it a glass cliff
All you old, white, male, hetero bastids

Christine Wallace know, that’s absurd
She’s a Prof and “ambition” is not a dirty word
“And what about the Arts?” Christine asked
“Pop-Up Video style, have you seen that?

Imagine catchin’ a play like Hamilton
With augmented contextual enhancement?”
Tristan is listening in like: “No!!!
We’re already too distracted by tech, watch the show!”

But then again, this sick rap that I’m giving you
‘Could be poppin’ up in your own living room
So in the end I’m an optimist
Thanks to the Tech Conference at Harvard

So welcome to Acceleration for every startup
At the Virtual Harvard Tech Conference
Ready to get strapped in… to a rocket?
March 6, 2021, get it started

With Harshini Jayaram and Tanishq Bhalla
Bet your bottom dollar, they’ve had a couple of hardships
Backstage with the tech, but we resolve conflicts
At the Harvard Tech Conference, that’s the process

Problem solve and resolve conflicts
Innovate and pivot, that’s the process
At the Harvard Tech Conference
Don’t focus on the goal

Love the process
Feel it in your soul